…during a pandemic. But like so many, I was busy with childcare and home-schooling, masking up to help my parents, and working on all the house projects I realized needed doing once I was stuck inside for so long. I was praying, and sending lovingkindness to you and everyone around the world.

I just asked a blessing for all the people who have lost loved ones, who have been sick, separated, or lonely. Who have had surgery but couldn’t have a loved one near. We are in a community of all the people in the world who feel just like this, however we feel, right at this moment. And I am feeling thankful, so very thankful, for all the people who have helped us through this time. Who and what has helped you?

Of course, I am calmed by reading, (most recently, West With Giraffes by Lynda Rutledge.) Meditation has helped, and Zooming with friends and family. Nature always sustains me, and this year the garden supplied bountiful tomatoes, potatoes, Brussels sprouts, lettuces and herbs. I baked bread, joining the sourdough crew when yeast was hard to come by. Years of mindfulness practice helped me feel content within whatever I was doing, and to feel deeply connected to and appreciative of my loved ones. I had time to relearn how much fun it can be to put out some seed and watch the birds arrive.

What has helped you through this time?

May you have causes for happiness, may you feel safe and loved, may you laugh, and may you be at ease, come what may.

I love to write. I’m frequently seen scribbling in my journal, or typing away on my laptop with a big smile on my face. I don’t even realize I’m grinning. That creative space is one of my happy places.

My competency at web page management, however, would generously be described as “developing”. You’re seeing my new website only because I know my limitations, and when to go to the expert.

My new website was designed by my super-genius web support woman. She was actually smiling, migrating my old Blogger posts to this new website.  She created my first ever website, a few years ago. She’s the lady to whom I turned when it was time to move.

It will take me quite a while to organize the posts from my previous site and publish them all here. There are pieces on shoulder surgery, mindfulness, travel, life, and even thriving in DC beltway traffic. Meanwhile, thank you, women who web, for giving me the freedom to simply write!

Woman to Woman ~ Part 2.

(Disclaimer: I am SO not a doctor! Check with your own M.D. for any questions.)

I first posted on this topic in 2012. Here I go again. This time, the right shoulder. So, in part for you, and in part for me, I am revisiting practical shoulder surgery preparations for women. Many of the things I learned also apply to men, but not all. Although some of my guy friends would look cute in the camisoles.

I learned a few things from my previous shoulder surgery. Planning helps! What purchases and preparations can you make ahead of time in order to be ready? Here’s a photograph of a few things that I found helpful.

The sling can feel rough after a few days. I lined mine with a silk scarf. SO much better!

Childproof bottles were impossible. That is not a good thing if your tylenol or prescription painkiller is trapped inside. Keeping them safe from children, store any important medicines where you can retrieve them easily, and actually get to the medicine. I used small open containers on a shelf I could reach with my uninjured arm.

Hibiclens body wash was recommended for use at home right before surgery. Scrubbing well with this, said my doctor, would help prevent infection.

My sling was made with velcro straps for adjustments. Do you know all the things you can stick to a sling with VELCRO? My cell phone was on the strap near my mouth. All I needed was a velcro cup holder.

Facts:

• I cannot make a ponytail with one hand. (I would have cut off my hair with one hand and garden shears if not for butterfly clips.)
• You can’t take a shower right after shoulder surgery.
• I can sleep very comfortably in a recliner.
• A bag of frozen peas inside a lightweight plastic bag makes a great ice pack.
• Painkillers cause constipation in some people.
• You can attach adhesive velcro tape to almost anything.

I invested in pump bottles of shampoo, body wash, moisturizer, sunscreen, and anything else I use. You can’t take the lid off bottles with one hand! At the time of my first surgery, I was using an old-fashioned ice cube tray for ice. Ever try getting ice out of these with one hand? Thinking ahead about this sort of thing will make your life easier.

Which takes us to bras. It is impossible to hook a bra behind your back for quite a while after shoulder surgery. If you want a bra for support or coverage while you still have dressings on your shoulder, cami tops with a shelf bra can be pulled up and the strap worn over just the other side. Shelf bra cami tops were a life-saver for me. I bought a couple of front-closing T-back  bras for the later weeks, when I could get my arm through a bra again (surgery side first!) but a strap over the shoulder or reaching around my back to hook them was still uncomfortable. 

Humor made everything easier! My friends are hilarious. When they aren’t around, there are very silly YouTube videos of goats.

DON’T TRY ONLINE BANKING WHILE ON PAINKILLERS. Just trust me on this.

For an independent woman like me, asking for help was a big step, and I learned to do it with grace and gratitude. (See ice cube tray comment, above). Planning limited what I needed help with. So, I just:

• bought a pack of butterfly clips
• installed a hand-held shower head
• bought Hibiclens
• bought a pack of velcro strips
• bought dry shampoo
• bought a bag of frozen peas
• made and froze Mom’s bran muffins
• paid all my bills
• Let my friends know what’s happening.

This helped me to settle back, rent the movies I wanted to see, read great books, and practice mindfulness, simply accepting the gift of enforced time to just be. I followed doctor’s orders, and healed well. When things were difficult, I went to my “Happy Place.” And this time, just before my surgery, that is where I am headed for a few days, to carry that peace with me into and back from surgery. I downloaded movies that don’t require much attention for the first days, and new books. I am actually looking forward to this part of the process. I hope this is helpful to you. If you are reading this for your own surgery, best wishes, and good luck!

A childhood friend of mine is struggling. He was wounded, and is recovering physically and emotionally. Someone told him he needs to forgive. She said to my friend, “Holding anger and grudges only destroys your own peace and God forgives us as we forgive others.” 

My friend told us, “I’m trying.”

Dear Friend, you are so beautifully gracious for trying.

Forgiveness is an act of extending compassion to another. We are told to forgive others, but the speaker forgets to stop and reflect on exactly how to do that. They’re skipping an important step. How can we extend Godly grace to another if we haven’t learned how to do that for ourselves?

We humans often need to practice self-compassion first. That self-compassion, patiently, lovingly given to ourselves, remembering that we are beautifully and perfectly loved, can often eventually expand to a level that can be extended to another.

So sorry you, and any of us, have to experience the things that require such hard lessons.

With loving kindness <3

Washington’s weather slunk in today with freezing drizzle. The kind that requires chipping away at the iced-over car door just to get into the ice box.

For good or bad, when we stop and pay attention, we might notice that the weather affects our writing. Our thinking. Our motivation. My poet friend lamented; it’so awful out that she can’t compose.

Instead of kicking ourselves, another option is no blame. Just loving observation. Does the weather affect your internal go-meter? Does anything else?

When I have a cold, my sinuses swell into my brain and steal my IQ. I make tea. I walk around dragging the tail of my electric blanket’s extension cord tethering me to the wall. I wrap Julie’s lovingly knitted scarf around  my sore throat  like a hug. I invent new comfort foods. Then I write the recipe. I tell myself: I wrote.

What do you do, mindful writers?

WORDS

trapped crystalline in
my frozen mind
burrow under blankets
like my doughnut doggy transforming
air to lead if anyone tries to
drag her out
from under
quilted covers.

Sleep, baby.

It’s okay to curl up
snug and warm.

The squirrels will still be there tomorrow.

When Chris Baty and twenty-one San Francisco Bay area friends held the first National Novel Writing Month in 1999, I was preparing materials for a year teaching kindergarten in Colorado. Curriculum-writing, not fiction, was on my mind. 

But mountain lions, hiking, wild fires, white buffalo, and avalanche survival were part of my life in the Rockies. Someday, Fiction-writing, I would face you, armed with material. 

National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, has been held every year since 1999. And for the last two years, I have written.

I’d love to say that I finished writing last year’s novel, sent it out, and instantly was rewarded with a contract. But I’d be lying. 

The truth is I did something equally important. Last year’s NaNoWriMo helped me break a bad habit. I once heard that the average number of revisions on a first paragraph is twenty-five. So I was about average, with twenty-five revisions of my opening paragraph. Except I had gotten into the habit of revising my first paragraph twenty-five times BEFORE writing my second paragraph. Which leaves a lot of second paragraphs never written. 

I had to replace my bad habit with a good habit.

NaNoWriMo helped me rediscover fluency – writing without stopping for correction edits and better idea revisions. NaNoWriMo helped me to WRITE; to get a wealth of material on actual pages. And some of it was really good material. It worked with Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen (interview).

This year’s goal: Fifty-thousand words in thirty days. THEN revision. Then submissions. Then a contract.